There but for the grace of my determinants go I.

On the train home:

      The complex part of determinism is the possibility of spawning new ideas through prolonged thought on various subjects, it is more likely that a change will occur from an external catalyst, but undiscovered thought  lies waiting, locked in our brains, dormant, ready to fly and sing once freed. Thoughts like musty cobwebs crowd in mind attics, ready for that spark which combusts, then sets fire to that flammable storage. I cannot control which thoughts to dwell upon, this happens internally as well as externally. How powerful, this mind... Only beauty learning anew, opening windows and attic doors, cleaning out this one time basement, childhood, un-workable pathways etched in deepest psyche. I love, worship learning and knowledge. Such a blunt and powerful passion; Unlimited end results from this one thought belief.

    I want someone as light and active as me: interactive and actuated. I am my ideals, I do what I say, am that desire. I've combed through each inch of my past, painful and joyous. I've extracted that good and kept present that bad. I wonder how long before I should swallow what I chew. I, caught in that in-between place of thought--many questions, few answers. Everyone out there reaches out to touch something someone anything anyone. No wonder people shout thoughtless mind numb at ease religion from rooftops. Though so capable, they cannot see and must fill that unnatural social gap through external means. So complex and full, our singular and collective minds! Philosophers sort through internal motion, motivation thought emotion. Theologists ignore that full complexity and marvel at unthought, sink into warm human betrayal. The injustice of religion lies in every unsure child and incapable mother looking outward for guidance, begging the sky, mourning self incapability. The difficulty for me lies in my profound capability. I steer this body mind unity, external stimulus molds, shapes, computes, and estimates before cognate pathways fills my conscious mind. The sheer numerous possibilities trump any thought of sameness; Similarity, yes, but unique through biology, chemistry, and circumstances. Not one computer shares this same utility, only some broad fashion, etched shape with time and erosion, wild organization and honing. Oh, the simplicity of this strange humanity!